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Stephen Colbert – Independent (South Carolina) - Campaign Website
Stephen Colbert, Born May 13, 1964.
He is conservative pundit on his own cable show, the "Colbert Report". "A lot of people have accused me of being a partisan Republican hack. Not true - I’m an Independent hack." From his Website: How do you summarize the life of someone as awesome as Stephen Colbert? I don't know, but it sure is my privilege to try! Stephen T. Colbert (the "T" stands for "Truth"…actually it's Tyrone) grew up in Charleston, South Carolina, which is the cultural center of the South. Some people say Savannah, Georgia is, but does Savannah have the Roper Hospital School of Practical Nursing? I don't think so! He is the last of 11 kids, and as the youngest sibling in my family, I can totally understand the kind of crap he must've had to put up with. That's probably why he went into journalism, so he could stick it to the man!!! Stephen graduated in the top 47 percent of his class at Dartmouth, where he majored in history and performed with the all-male a cappella group The Sing Dynasty. (Another famous Sing Dynasty alum? Actor Stacy Keach!) After college, Stephen took a year off to travel around the world. He went everywhere: England, Ireland, Scotland…even Wales. That's when he developed a love of journalism because he kept a journal of his travels. What I wouldn't give to read Stephen's thoughts! When Stephen returned to the States in 1987, he decided he had a lifelong passion for news, so he took a job as a fact checker at the Richmond Times-Dispatch. He wowed his editor when he single-handedly exposed the largest mail-fraud scam in Virginia state history. Stephen still doesn't trust the U.S. Postal Service to this day. (Snail mail is for suckers, anyway!) Thanks to his new acclaim as a man of the people, Stephen was quickly snapped up by Richmond's WVBX-TV news, where he spent three years as a field reporter. He was voted "Sexiest Local Newscaster of 1989" by Virginia Living magazine and raised almost $600 at a charity bachelor auction. Best of all, the woman who cast the winning bid is now Mrs. Stephen Colbert! (Lucky Lady!) Before long, Stephen was being courted by another type of suitor: mid-market television stations. He finally settled on Raleigh, North Carolina's WKJC Channel 5 News, where he worked the state capital beat for seven years. In that time, North Carolina tourism numbers rose by 9 percent. Way to go, Stephen! In 1998, beloved WKJC anchor Tyler Peterson died suddenly, and of course, the station looked to Stephen to fill the void. Though Stephen wanted to meet the station halfway, WKJC management refused to negotiate a reasonable salary for such a rising star, so Stephen was forced to uproot his family and move back to Charleston. But, with every cloud comes a silver lining-and this silver lining was pure gold. Stephen was tapped by Jon Stewart to join the investigative team at The Daily Show. Finally, New York City would get a TV newsman who wasn't afraid to take a bite out of the Big Apple. (Believe it or not, I met Stephen for the first time at a Daily Show taping. After waiting in line for tickets, my blood sugar had dipped pretty low, so a security guard took me to the Daily Show commissary. I reached for a butterscotch pudding, and guess who went for the same one? I assume you said Stephen, AND YOU ARE RIGHT!!! He got to keep the pudding, but I got something more precious - I met Stephen Colbert!) In his many years as a Daily Show correspondent, Stephen has done more than most people do in their whole lives! But now he's hosting his own show! Is there nothing Stephen can't do? No, there is nothing! He's won four Emmys, two Peabodys, two Television Critics Association nods, and most importantly, a 2003 Teen Choice Award nomination (we're the voters of the future!). Free to report things the way he sees them, Stephen will now be able to deliver his own opinion on the news. In addition to his televised work, Stephen has penned three best-selling books. These include Don't Buy This Book if You Don't Have the Balls; Silent Night: Reassessing the Sociological Imprint of the Tiananmen Square Massacre; and Don't Buy This Book if You Don't Have the Balls - for Kids. Once we get the Eagle's Nest official merchandise store running again, autographed copies will be available for a modest mark-up. I'm proud of what Stephen has accomplished; it's like the pride a son feels for his father. Of course, Stephen is nothing like my real dad, who's a total fascist. Iraq War Issues: Supported invading Iraq. He supported it even before President George W. Bush suggested it. Agrees with the members of The Project for a New American Century including William Kristol with whom Colbert had this conversation: COLBERT: Right, we should have invaded Iraq, you know, then [in the 1990s] you said.KRISTOL: We should have, actually. COLBERT: Exactly. "We’ll never lose in Iraq if we never leave Iraq. I believe the government that governs best is the government that governs least. And by these standards, we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq." Security/Liberties: Stephen [Colbert] supports wiretapping so much that he wiretaps every crew member working the Colbert Report. Furthermore, "Colbert Nation Covenant" contains the following clause: "Thus, as proof of my loyalty and trustworthiness I hereby give the Colbert Nation the right to monitor my activities using a combination of private security personnel and high-tech surveillance equipment Including but not limited to satellite photos, GPS tracking, and a tiny camera embedded in my forehead." "Even Islamic terrorists don't hate America like liberals do. They don't have the energy. If they had that much energy, they'd have indoor plumbing by now." Social Security: Opposes social security and retirement. Believes that if old people can play bridge they can work as typists. Interviewed on NBC's Meet The Press by Tim Russert: COLBERT: Well, Tim, I, I just don’t understand pensions or Social Security. Why do you get paid after you stop working? That doesn’t make any sense to me.RUSSERT: Abolish Social Security? COLBERT: Yes. RUSSERT: Abolish Medicare? MR. COLBERT: Yes. RUSSERT: Abolish all pensions? COLBERT: Abolish tipping waiters and waitresses because I’ve gotten my food. They get paid by the hour. Why am I giving them extra money? That’s all pensions and Social Security are. It’s a tip at the end of your life. We should. Stem Cell Research: Upon hearing the news that womb transplants may be possible, including transplanting wombs into men, he suggested that stem cells, "those tiny frozen Americans", could be birthed by male political figures who oppose stem cell research.Same Sex Issues: Interviewed on NBC's Meet The Press by Tim Russert:COLBERT: Marriage is the basic building block of society. And if gay men get married, that threatens my marriage immediately because I only got married as a taunt toward gay men because they couldn’t. RUSSERT: So it makes you feel insecure. COLBERT: Well, I just don’t know else - why I got married other than to rub it in gay people’s faces. Trade Issues: Colbert addressed the South Carolina International Trade Conference, "China’s economy is booming," and offered, "It’s time we learned about capitalism from these communists."Budget Issues: Budget issues: He admires Bush as a "fiscal conservative". "I don't think deficits or debt are anything to worry about. We grow the economy and by growing the economy we make the [deficit] problem smaller, we'll grow our way out of this."Business & Labor Issues: He has frequently expressed his admiration for business and corporations and his disdain for labor unions "[Hillary Clinton] said one of her favorite movies is The Wizard of Oz. Well, I re-watched it recently, and I can't believe I never noticed the liberal subtext before. Judy Garland--gay icon--stars as Dorothy, an innocent girl from the Heartland, who gets swept away to a drug-induced fantasy land where's she's greeted by labor activists from the local guild. After she murders a powerful Oz official, she becomes a fugitive, hitting the road with a racially diverse group including a laborer, an animal-rights activist, and a treehugger."Tax Issues: Following the Democratic victory in the 2006 Midterm Elections, an emotional Colbert lamented: "Tomorrow you're all going to wake up in a brave new world . . . where tax-and-spend Democrats take all your hard-earned money and use it to buy electric cars for National Public Radio, and teach evolution to illegal immigrants. Oh, and everybody's high! You know what, I've had it! You people don't deserve a Republican majority! I quit!"Abortion Issues: Opposes. To author Ramesh Ponnuru on the title of his book: "You've got a catchy little slogan here: The Party of Death: The Democrats, the Media, the Courts, and the Disregard for Human Life. I'm 100% behind you here. Democrats are the Party of Death."Capital Punishment: Favors it. He believes that the death penalty is deterent, noting that it has stopped him from killing people. "I'm disappointed that my own Catholic Church has decided that capital punishment is wrong. Which is pretty hypocritical if you think about it, because they wouldn't even have a religion if it wasn't for capital punishment."Drugs: Opposes drug legalization including medical marijuana: "Your state is one of the few that has a medical marijuana program," Colbert said to Congressman Rick Larsen, from Washington. Larsen: Uh-huh, that’s right.Colbert: Are you high right now? Larsen: I am not, nor have I ever been. Colbert: I didn’t ask that part. You jumped to that pretty quickly. Seems like he doth protest too much. Are you going to tell me you didn’t kill anyone next? ‘I don’t know where the murder weapon is.’ That’s what that sounded like to me. Larsen: I can understand what you’re saying. Colbert: Can you? Because sometimes it can impair your hearing if you smoke dope. Source Gun Control: Opposes. "What's the most absurd thing about gun regulations? Gun registry? 72 hour waiting period? Trigger locks? What part of that is most laughable?"Minimum Wage: "Subject is minimum wage. I'm against it. The point is I am here to tell you that your sacrifice will be rewarded because if you keep sacrificing your benefits long enough and if your wages get low enough we'll get those jobs back from China. And let me be the first to say You're Welcome."Health Care: Health Care: Opposes any sort of government funded healthcare. "If we really care for our kids, we should deny them health insurance now to immunize them against expecting it as adults. If we don’t, when they grow up, who knows what other unrealistic things they’re going to expect? You know, if we fund Head Start now, later, they’ll expect education. If we fund school lunches now, later, they’ll expect food."Prescription Drugs: Opposes any efforts to reduce the profits of the pharmaceutical industry. "That's why it's called the medical business". "It's free market economy."Environmental Issues: Is supportive of the Bush White House in regards to the environment. "Everything the president's done in the last six years has been part of his aggressive, yet practical strategy to reduce greenhouse gas emissions [on screen: Fear Is A Renewable Resource]. Why do you think he okayed his domestic wiretapping program? So agents wouldn't have to waste gas driving around in surveillance vans [on screen: Or Waste Paper on Search Warrants]. The five million RNC e-mails that disappeared during the attorney general firing scandal will now never be printed out, saving thousands of trees [on screen: And Gonzales' job]. The president is getting the credit he deserves. He may not be solving global warming entirely . . . but thanks to his policies, all over the world, America is getting a much chillier reception. And that's 'The Word'.""You can't strangle a seabird these days without hearing from the reduce, re-use and recycle brigade! Meanwhile, this New York family, the Beavans are five months into a year long experiment. No toilet paper! No incandescent bulbs! No disposable razors! Planes, trains, automobiles or elevators or shopping for anything new! Its like Gilligan's Island only completely implausible!" Immigration Issues: Suggested "Southsourcing", moving American farms into Mexico which would allow employers to pay farm workers $11 dollars a day instead of $7 an hours. He also recommends relocating American houses, restaraunts, big box stores and jobs and life in general into Mexico. Colbert opines, that would cause would-be illegal immigrants to go to where the jobs are . . . Mexico. Colbert quickly dismissed the argument that "immigrants built this country" as outdated. "It’s built now," he said. "I think we finished in the mid-70s. At this point, it’s a touch-up and repair job."Slavery Reparations: A foreign concept to him. He does not see color; people tell him that he's White, so he takes their word for it.Education Issues: Favors a tough-love approach to education, but with "Almost no love. Just tough." Colbert suggested "Why not just bring back child labor? Because, I’ve got to tell you, you give those 10-year-olds a couple of shifts in my textile factory, you know, a couple of fingers missing, they will hit the books hard and achieve. Aren’t we too soft on kids today?"*Source: ---- |
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